Ever heard of the American War of Independence? It was a war fought between the newly emerged United States of America and their parent country, the kingdom of Great Britain. The United States were looking for freedom, to find their own way into the world instead of following the restricting and ‘unpopular’ laws of Great Britain. That war was hundred’s of years ago but in reality, this war is being played out thousands of times a day all around the world. Millions of these versions of the American war of Independence have two sides. Teenagers versus Parents. Wars started by kids who grow to realize that they need their own freedom and independence. Each teenager fighting their own war, for their own Freedom. However these small wars aren’t fought with guns and cannons, these wars are fought with words and emotions.
Parents always wonder why teenagers are always seeking to expand their restrictions and boundaries. These boundaries take on many forms including going out, taking transportation by yourself, social media, spending money, homework times and more. What parents don’t consider is that having more freedom in their life is important. These boundaries take on every part of their lives. The more freedom and different choices they themselves get, the more action they have in shaping their lives they way they want. Their life is theirs after all.
A survey done on a group of 10 teenagers in UWCSEA East campus shows that the majority of the teens said that freedom feels good and makes you feel older. What is revealed for the average teenager is that freedom in all its aspects is intoxicating. An addictive stronger than any other. But there is a reason why teenagers are geared this way. Freedom is the closest thing to being an independent adult. Being a teenager is one step away from being an adult. The way the Teenagers seek independence is to prepare them for an adulthood of complete independence of one’s self.
It is literally implied in the name Young Adults.
Let's Imagine not being able to do homework just because it is past a certain time. That is normal for students Sam and Ellen Potter. An imprisonment of digital connection when 8:00 passes. Sometimes Sam says “I cannot use the internet for homework, even if my Humanities is due the next day”. He also says that he juggles his social media time, homework time and browsing time to efficiently do what he needs and wants to do when connected online before the daily deadline his parents put in place ends. While this may deem good or bad in the present and the immediate future, the question is how this might affect them in the far future. Forcing them to do their homework early certainly helps them do their homework early and quickly. But letting them manage their own time independently and nurturing a fully grown trust in your teenager, isn’t that the more important path for a maturing Young Adult.
Let's Imagine not being able to do homework just because it is past a certain time. That is normal for students Sam and Ellen Potter. An imprisonment of digital connection when 8:00 passes. Sometimes Sam says “I cannot use the internet for homework, even if my Humanities is due the next day”. He also says that he juggles his social media time, homework time and browsing time to efficiently do what he needs and wants to do when connected online before the daily deadline his parents put in place ends. While this may deem good or bad in the present and the immediate future, the question is how this might affect them in the far future. Forcing them to do their homework early certainly helps them do their homework early and quickly. But letting them manage their own time independently and nurturing a fully grown trust in your teenager, isn’t that the more important path for a maturing Young Adult.
Parents stance on different freedoms also vary, it depends more on the circumstance. UWCSEA student Mie Ovesen says that normally, her father allows her to go out while her mum is more protective. But recently, she was going to a party she wanted to go to but boys are attending. Opinions switched around. Her normally accepting dad replies with a straightforward no while her mum is shouting yes. Parents are always doing what they think is best for their children and circumstance can more then bend the normal boundaries and freedoms in half when the time calls for it. But teenagers should respect their decision as long as it is reasonable. Communication is essential during scenarios like these so that teenagers can talk with their parents on their decision and opinions made clear.
After interviewing some more students from UWCSEA, the topic has been taken into new light. One student says that “they don’t like being controlled”. Another students said “they had a fomo-fear of missing out on everything”. In fact, every student said they are fomos in some degree. Fomo fears tend to happen due to viewing events from posts or “snaps” on social media. Thus teenagers want to join in the fun and events but many teenagers cannot just walk out of the house. They would have restrictions in place that would limit them. Maye having to do homework then, not being able to take a cab to get there let alone being allowed out at all. It would be good for parents to combat this as many teenagers might start to feel jealous of their friends. It is recommended to sit down and talk to them, or take them out yourself.
Another data analysis suggests that teenagers are influenced a lot by music, sport, media and more importantly, friends. Peer pressure is always a big deal in a teenagers life, for anything really. These sources encourage teenagers to seek a variety of different freedoms. The data records that 9 in every 10 people have more than 4 social media accounts for different social websites and that 100% of those with social media accounts were influenced to have those accounts due to friends or the fact that it is a new trend. Influence from many places are important and shaped their lives and the freedoms they get as a maturing young adult. Parents do try to encourage some influences and cut down others but in the end, does it really matter? What parents need to understand is that the teenager’s life is their life. You are their parents and should support them every step of the way but they need to make the big choices and choose their life as a growing young adult. If you cannot trust your teenager to do anything on his/her own without being there to do everything for them, then will you ever be able to trust them even if they are a grown adult?
Which brings me to my last few points. As a parent it is beneficial to help and support your teenager when they need your help. It would be best to organize a system with your teenager on discussing about how they are going in their life and any significant events that happened, etc. You would want to get that connection so that you can discuss about the necessary boundaries needed in the different freedoms you have and effectively form a bond with your teenager. Parents and teenagers each have their own unique system of sharing and freedoms. It doesn’t matter how you do it as long as that connection and sharing is there. It would be better for your teenager to trust you completely and be able to rely on you in any time of need. Once that has happened you can easily discuss the regulations that will be put in place for your teen. but remember, it is always good to slowly give more freedom to them so that they continue to maintain a level of independence and responsibility.
Surprisingly enough, every teenage students interviewed on the survey all generally responded that there should be a couple of restrictions in general. Absolute freedom isn’t all that good. It also depends on the who, as everyone is different. That is most definitely true. Parents need to know that children respect the boundaries put in place on their different aspects of life. Student Fayyaz Ahmed sums up what is on every student’s mind, “I respect those restrictions and respecting the restrictions strengthens my parents trust in me”. All they want in return is recognition to open those boundaries ever so slightly and be able to trust them with new responsibilities and freedoms the more they grow up. Sometimes, a bid for independence doesn’t need to end up in stretched out war, mutual agreements can always be made.
After interviewing some more students from UWCSEA, the topic has been taken into new light. One student says that “they don’t like being controlled”. Another students said “they had a fomo-fear of missing out on everything”. In fact, every student said they are fomos in some degree. Fomo fears tend to happen due to viewing events from posts or “snaps” on social media. Thus teenagers want to join in the fun and events but many teenagers cannot just walk out of the house. They would have restrictions in place that would limit them. Maye having to do homework then, not being able to take a cab to get there let alone being allowed out at all. It would be good for parents to combat this as many teenagers might start to feel jealous of their friends. It is recommended to sit down and talk to them, or take them out yourself.
Another data analysis suggests that teenagers are influenced a lot by music, sport, media and more importantly, friends. Peer pressure is always a big deal in a teenagers life, for anything really. These sources encourage teenagers to seek a variety of different freedoms. The data records that 9 in every 10 people have more than 4 social media accounts for different social websites and that 100% of those with social media accounts were influenced to have those accounts due to friends or the fact that it is a new trend. Influence from many places are important and shaped their lives and the freedoms they get as a maturing young adult. Parents do try to encourage some influences and cut down others but in the end, does it really matter? What parents need to understand is that the teenager’s life is their life. You are their parents and should support them every step of the way but they need to make the big choices and choose their life as a growing young adult. If you cannot trust your teenager to do anything on his/her own without being there to do everything for them, then will you ever be able to trust them even if they are a grown adult?
Which brings me to my last few points. As a parent it is beneficial to help and support your teenager when they need your help. It would be best to organize a system with your teenager on discussing about how they are going in their life and any significant events that happened, etc. You would want to get that connection so that you can discuss about the necessary boundaries needed in the different freedoms you have and effectively form a bond with your teenager. Parents and teenagers each have their own unique system of sharing and freedoms. It doesn’t matter how you do it as long as that connection and sharing is there. It would be better for your teenager to trust you completely and be able to rely on you in any time of need. Once that has happened you can easily discuss the regulations that will be put in place for your teen. but remember, it is always good to slowly give more freedom to them so that they continue to maintain a level of independence and responsibility.
Surprisingly enough, every teenage students interviewed on the survey all generally responded that there should be a couple of restrictions in general. Absolute freedom isn’t all that good. It also depends on the who, as everyone is different. That is most definitely true. Parents need to know that children respect the boundaries put in place on their different aspects of life. Student Fayyaz Ahmed sums up what is on every student’s mind, “I respect those restrictions and respecting the restrictions strengthens my parents trust in me”. All they want in return is recognition to open those boundaries ever so slightly and be able to trust them with new responsibilities and freedoms the more they grow up. Sometimes, a bid for independence doesn’t need to end up in stretched out war, mutual agreements can always be made.
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