Schools Should Alter Their PSE Program

I walk in on the first day of school. My new school. I can feel all of these eyes on my back. Judging me. This is what determines my life in middle school.

School. This is where children spend at least 7-8 hours a day; where they learn everything. Not only about academic subjects but this is where they are taught social skills. School is where every child makes their first social interaction, their first friend, their first enemy. If schools play such a big part in a child’s life why are they not putting enough effort into teaching students how to make the right friends, choosing the right people to work with. This is what will benefit them in the long run. Knowing the people you work best with making your life a lot more successful than it would have been without them. UWCSEA has developed the PSE program, which focuses on providing a safe, secure educational environment for all of its students. But they are not able to focus this learning, making sure that students actually benefit from their program. UWCSEA is ineffectively using student's time by having programs like “Mentor Time” that don’t easily apply to adolescents. Instead, this time, should be used to put students into situations where they reveal their emotions and vulnerability to other students that they trust and spend long periods of time with a specific group of people. However in some circumstances, this can be a bit much for students as they are still trying to come out of their shell. Nevertheless, students need to grasp the fact that they will do a lot better in life when they are able to form instant connections.

Think back, who are the people that care for you the most? Why is it those specific people and not anyone else? This is because you have shown this specific person or group of people your vulnerable side. The side that isn’t always perfect. “Most of us think that when we make ourselves vulnerable we are putting ourselves in a susceptible, exposed or subservient position.” (Click, pg 32) Many also feel that they are letting others influence them. But when creating connections self-disclosure accelerates the ability to connect with people around us. When we show our vulnerable side to someone it helps other people trust because you are putting yourself “at an emotional, psychological or physical risk.”(Click, pg 32) The fact that the both of you are letting your guard down helps to lay a foundation for a fast, close personal connection. This is a really important part of making that instant connection, to be able to understand that specific person on a different level from the start.

Police officers like Greg Sancier a crisis intervention specialist, deal with people in distress. He was called in to help with the situation of a man breaking into a house in San Jose, California, and was holding the hostages at gunpoint. Sancier knew that if he failed today many people would lose their lives. He says “There’s an art to establishing a relationship.” whether it be “relating man to man or that we both like fishing.” (Click pg25) Any instant connection like this can be the basis of a deeper one. The man - Jones was a “three strike gang member” who had nothing more to lose. Sancier tried to connect with Jones by saying “Once I went through a tough situation myself - like when my mother died.” Jones responded saying Your mother died?”(Click pg 26) This is when Sancier knew that he had broken through Jones’s Barrier he was in, and that's all it took for Jones to give up. Being willing to show other people the person you really are, to drop your shield just for a moment is what can lead to forming instant connections.

Alternatively, this is easy to say but a lot harder to do. Especially for adolescents as showing people their vulnerable side is really tough. They are trying to figure out themselves at this time too, the best version of themselves, who they feel most comfortable with and with all the added pressure of school, Adolescents tend to close themselves off from other. So how are they going to open up about themselves when they are not fully sure of who they are, or how they feel either. Especially when this is also the time that they are learning to become independent. Studying the article “Secrets of the teenage brain” by Katie Forster. She claims that “teens are at an age of self-discovery.” They are exposed to so many different things and have to make up their mind about it. Why should we share this experience with someone as it is so dreading in the first place?

Skye is finding it especially hard to make friends at her new school. You might think that she should know by now how to make friends quickly and effectively, but the truth is that Skye does not have one person she can rely on.

Recollect - Which of your grade school classes did you feel most comfortable with? Which one did you feel most in place with? Now, why is it that we feel this was only with a specific group of people? Spending prolonged periods of time with a person or a specific group of people creates deep bonds. We don’t give it much thought but the people you sit next to at work, or on the bus to work. “But in fact, a couple of feet of space can make a world of difference.” (Click Pg 61) This circumstance is called “exponential attraction.” You are unknowingly spending extra time with these people, even if it is just the ten minutes you sit next to someone every day on your way to somewhere or the person you sit next to every meeting. That extra time together creates a mutual understanding between the both of you. Slowly growing through the years. 

Four young sophomore basketball players - Corey , Taurean, Al and Joakim all share an apartment. Corey would later tell New York Times the roommates “clicked immediately.” They called themselves the “oh-fours” till 2004 when they started university (Click pg 55). When they played together they played amazingly. But as each of them branched off, different NBA teams chose them leading to their split. They never played the same again. “Talented as they were as a group, individually the oh-fours were just not superstar caliber.” (Click pg 59) People who instantly click rely on each other. When even one is missing it is still not the same, proving that they work a lot better in team situations.

Although this can also lead to believing that by putting students in these situations they can become heavily reliant on one another and won’t be able to work by themselves, always looking for that support that their friendship provides them with. But spending these prolonged hours with the wrong people can be hurtful as you are not getting anything out of it. For instance, if students move up through grades with the same classes students might be in a situation where they do not feel comfortable, where they are being bullied but are still forced to move up with this class. Teachers should notice when a student is not feeling comfortable and address their parents about this or do something about it. Whether it be talking to the student that is causing the trouble or making sure the student feels safe in their learning environment.

Now we have come this far, and you might be thinking what does it mean to make the right friends? Everyone needs friends in their life. Someone that will support you no matter what, someone who won’t judge you, someone who doesn't only talk but listens. Taking a look at the article “11 secrets to choosing the right friends” by Stacia Pierce a life coach and CEO of Ultimate Lifestyle Enterprise. We should look for people who we share the same values with. While I agree that diversity within friends is great but “when it comes to to general values and beliefs, it’s best to keep core friendships with like-minded people.” We tend to look for people who we look at as a role model. Someone who has aspects to them that we lack. We are drawn to them for this very reason, we see someone we want to be in them. This is fantastic as both of you will complement each other. Helping each other out in the places that are needed. Taken as a whole finding the right friends is a necessary task in order to be the best version of yourself. 

Right now UWCSEA does have systems in place to help support their students. For instance, mentor time gives students an opportunity to spend time with a group of approximately 20 other students for more than two hours a week. This time is meant to be spent interacting with one another but instead is taken for granted and is spent by students doing their own thing or catching up on missed homework. UWCSEA’s aim it to build strong knit classes where everyone is supportive and understands one another. However, this is not working in most cases. Instead, all mentors should plan fun activities - team building activities that will force students to interact with one another. This also adds an extra factor of excitement to it as students will come into school excited to start the day off with a fun activity putting them in a light mood. Especially for adolescents like Skye who are in grade 8 and most of their time is spent worrying about when the next assignment is due. The activities planned should take into account the fact that they should lead students into sharing their emotions with one another, showing each other their vulnerable side, as this is what will help create those deep, meaningful bonds that help students become a lot more successful in life.

Most people right now would think that what is the point? Some people are successful and some people are not and that is just how it is. But is this really going to benefit us? As citizens of a country? Or even as the world. Yes, life is a lot easier for people who are able to form instant connections. Not only in your school and college life but as a lawyer, business official, sales person. All of these people have skills that help them form connections with people even if they don’t mean anything, they mean something for that moment, and this is what makes successful people. If people are taught how to do this everyone can be successful not just a few people out of the millions in our world today. This won’t only help them but benefit their whole community teaching them how to create these bonds. Spreading this knowledge can eventually change the world. Change the way people act, change it for the better. I believe that people should be taught this from the very beginning, ingraining it into their system, making it normal. If this can become a part of a school's curriculum they will produce a lot more successful students. Isn’t that what a school aim for, to create successful people. After Skye’s school implemented this system it was a lot easier for her to form connections with people even if she was moving around a lot and this led to her becoming an extremely successful business woman in the future. It;s with the greatest respect that I ask you to consider altering our PSE program adding in activities that teach students to show their vulnerable side and helping students spend long amounts hole. Just by putting a little extra thought into UWCSEA’s mentor time it can change someone's future or even everyone's future.


Bibliography

- Brafman, Ori, and Rom Brafman. Click: The Magic of Instant Connections. New York: Broadway, 2010. Print.

- Forster, Katie. "Secrets of the Teenage Brain." The Guardian. Guardian News and Media, 25 Jan. 2015. Web. 12 June 2016.

- "Personal and Social Education." Www.uwcsea.edu.sg. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 June 2016.

- Pierce, Stacia. "11 Secrets to Choosing the Right Friends." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 24 Oct. 2014. Web. 12 June 2016.

Liars with Eyes Shut

Everyone, Everywhere is constantly pushing away reality. Parents, Peers, Friends, Teachers. Whether it be the reality of ourselves or the people around us. We always have those moments in our lives where everything feel right, like it is meant to happen, or meet people who we instantly click with. We want to hold on to those precious moments or people forever more because they make us whole, they make us feel like life can’t get any better. Both “We Were Liars“ by E. Lockhart and “Eyes Shut” by Olly Alexander delve deeply into the concept of pushing away the realities of life. Lockhart's ravishing novel “We Were Liars” is set on Beachwood Island, where the “beautiful Sinclair family” lives. They are strong, perfect, and untouchable. At least that’s how they depict themselves. The family that everyone strives to become. They are the epitome of the “all American white families, and Alexander’s phenomenal song “Eyes Shut” explores the idea that nothing will ever hurt us if our eyes are shut, but the fact that we can never hide from our reality forever. In both “We Were Liars” and “Eyes shut,” we learn (grasp the fact) that in life we cannot shut our eyes towards reality because we will have to face it in one or another way. We will have to eventually be strong enough to face the reality in front of our eyes, both authors display this theme by using metaphors to exaggerate their characters way of thinking.

Everyone is constantly pushing away reality. The reality of life; reality of relationships or just the reality of who we are in general. Both Lockhart and Alexander explore the concept: why do people push away reality? For Cadence it is the idea of pushing away the reality of loving someone. In “We Were Liars” Cadence knows that “ I [she] shouldn’t love him,” referring to Gat (her love interest). She is pushing away the pain because she fears he won’t be there when she needs him most. She always says “It is what I [she] [is] afraid to do.” To lose Gat. Some might argue that Cadence is just afraid to love him because she knows that it is going to be bad for the family, but the truth is that it is much deeper than that. They both know that it's wrong Gat keeps emphasizing that “You don’t know me.” She feels enslaved not to love him because he’s not there. She is so terrified to lose him that she imagines him. She is trying to hide from the fact that he’s dead. Cadence is trying to hold onto the last thread of hope for her, which is Gat. If he slips out of her hands it’s all over. While in “Eyes Shut” the character states that “nothing’s gonna hurt me [him] with my [his] eyes shut. This clearly depicts the fact that with his “Eyes shut” Meaning that when he is closing himself of from the reality he believe that nothing is going to hurt him nothing will be able to get to him as long as his eyes are closed. Both authors talk about this theme in very contrasting ways as in “We Were liars”, Cadence eventually learns that she is not going to benefit by pushing away reality as we have to face it at some point, learning to accept the fact that there are not always going to be people who are there for us in our worst times, we have to learn to be there for ourselves. While in “Eyes shut” the character clearly doesn’t change his mind about the fact that his eyes will always be shut to reality as that's what he thinks is best for him. This is also acceptable because some people like living by themselves where they know that no one can hurt them. People are always trying to find easier ways out of problems in their lives. For Cadence and the character in “Eyes Shut” it is pushing away reality. That is their shortcut to an easier life.

The human brain is the most complex organ in the human body and probably the most complex creation present in the world today. This is clearly why it is so hard to understand other people's feelings and emotions as it is even hard to understand your own. Both Lockhart and Alexander show the exaggeration of emotions in their characters using metaphors to reveal to the readers the characters inner thinking. In “We Were Liars”, Lockhart uses this craft move only in very momentous scenes of pain for instance here Gat “wrapped my [her] wrists in soft white gauze” (pg.30). The white Gauze representing Gat taking care of Cadence when she was going through the toughest of times, the word soft referring to his touch, the way he holds her and when Cadence talks about her dad who “pulled out a handgun and shot me [her] in the chest.” The handgun referring to the look in her dad’s eyes as he was leaving. The overwhelming sadness she felt like a “handgun shot me [her].” In “Eyes shut.” Alexander uses this craft move in the first verse of his song. He says “throw your heart to me” to “let it fall and hit the ground, let it go.” Putting this into context he says “throw your heart to me” meaning if you give me your heart it will “fall and hit the ground.” He is so closed off from reality that even when people are trying to care for him, show him that he does still matter. No one can get through to him he says that “You're [everyone’s] timing was so wrong.” They missed the time to actually get through to him, they waited to long before going to show their love. Everyone just want’s to be found sometimes. People hide and disconnect totally from the world to find out who are our really friends, who are the people that really care about us. This can be a very hard by hard I mean tough to get through process because what if there is no one that really cares about us? What is no one comes to rescue us? Wouldn’t that be the most heartbreaking things. This is the contrast between “We Were Liars” and “Eyes Shut”. In “We Were Liars” there are people that really care about Cadence like the liars Gat, Mirren, and Johnny but the only problem is that none of them are alive and that is why she is having a really hard time finding love in the world. While in “Eyes Shut” there is no one for him in the world. It is too late now for him to be found. All he wanted was “to be found” but no one found him. Pushing away reality all connects back to the fact that both characters are pushing away reality to find out who really cares about them. To find out who will be there for them in the very end.

All these points come together to help us readers understand how everyone in the end just wants to be found. Both “We were Liars” and “Eyes Shut” are written in first person narrative. In “We Were Liars” it is written In Cadence’s perspective giving us readers an even harder time trying to figure out what's going on as all the other supporting characters already know what exactly happened the night of the fire. Lockhart’s goal was to get us readers inside her mind, teaching us that we all need to be found by someone, or be strong enough by ourselves even if nobody finds us. Cadence SInclair was found by Gat but after his death no one was able to find her making her want to hold onto him even more, leading to her pushing away the reality of loving someone so deeply. Alexander’s Goal was to send a message that we cannot have our “Eyes shut” because we will eventually “see through them.” There is no point closing our eyes when something is right in front of our faces. He wants us readers to learn that we are all better off facing our reality today rather than tomorrow because as much as we push it down it will keep rising up and up higher each time. So why not just keep our eyes open all the time?

Lockhart and Alexander want us to learn that we don’t need people to always care for us because we are strong enough alone to take care of ourselves. As a teenager myself, this is an issue that is very relevant to me and the people around me because we are all going through the hardest part of life - Adolescence. This is where we learn everything we need to take away for adulthood. One of the biggest things we learn is that we are not the only ones that matter in the world, everyone matters. So we can’t always have people by our sides every step of the way because everyone is going through the same journey. We need to learn to take care of ourselves. As long as we believe in ourselves, that is all that is needed to get us through the hardest parts of life. When you start loving yourself, other people will admire for that very factor will want to be around you more because you release a sense of positivity and wholeness. Which is something they lack. These few simples things are what shine bright through both E.Lockhart’s novel “We Were Liars” and Olle Alexander’s beautiful song “Eyes shut.”

Do Parents Always Know Best?

“Am I the best in class?” “Will I ever get anywhere in life?” “I have to make my parents proud” A recent survey conducted showed us that these statements go through an average teens mind almost everyday. They are frequently thinking about whether or not they are going to meet their parents expectations. The teen’s parents state that they know their child better than anyone, but the child says that their parent just doesn’t understand them.

Yup: that’s right, maybe parents don’t always know what’s best. 

Most parents believe that, yes, they do know what’s best. They are older, wiser and have more experience. They believe they should have control over their child's life as they know exactly who their child is and it is their “baby” afterall. Studies of behavioural genetics shows that on average people's personalities are half genetically determined and half environmentally, and, the half that is environmentally doesn’t have to be parental. This clearly portrays that children won’t always turn out exactly like their parents. 

Indeed, parents tend to get too “attached” to their child. So when they start to grow up and want some freedom their parents feel guilty. They feel like they’ve done something wrong that is pushing their child out, when it’s really just that their child is growing up and wants some freedom to go out and explore. 

“Children today have many wonderful opportunities, but they need time to explore things in depth. When they are involved in too many different things they sacrifice depth for breadth”. says Peggy Patten, an early childhood specialist. Patten explores the idea of children having too much breadth and not enough depth. What children really need is a few activities that they are really passionate about, not doing every activity and exploring none of them in depth. 

”Parents think their kids will grow up and remember all the wonderful activities they were involved in.” says Melanie Coughlin, a licensed marriage and family therapist. This offers evidence of parents not really knowing what their child is going through. Coughlin later added “They will really only remember how exhausted they were and their parents yelling at them to get ready for the next activity,” and so it becomes even more clear that parents don’t always make the right decisions. 

The truth is parents only want what's best for their child. When parents ask their child to try out a new sport or activity in school they have never done it is probably because they regret not trying it out and want their child to have the chance to. But if the child does not like the activity, it is unfair if their parents force them to continue because parents are making their child live the life they never got a chance to live. 

The goals expectations and advice can be helpful, and be a guide for kids. But when parents force kids to changes their interests or passion, children start to lose faith in themselves, in their own judgement of what is right. Being a good parent is to know when to stop pushing. "Kevin doesn't have any stress. He loves everything he's doing." said a mother of an overscheduled and almost clinically depressed child. But in actuality Kevin missed playing with his friends in the neighbourhood, riding bikes, having water-balloon fights and just generally being a kid.

Adding on the the previous evidence about parents involving their kids in too many activities. This suggests that yes, parents sometimes don’t realise that they are pressuring their kid. They want their child to have the best possible childhood. The mother later added on saying “My parents, never did anything for me, I want Kevin to know that I am there for him, he is going to have a good childhood no matter what it takes.” This clearly illustrates the fact that, parents do want what's best for their children, but they have to realize when it is going over the line, when it’s just too much. 

Even after all this research it’s surprising that parents are still pushing kids, in fact, ⅘ teens say that they are in an activity that their parent has forced upon them. And at least 75% of teens find their parents very clingy, a student from UWCSEA says that her mother often makes annual school expeditions about her instead. “My mum makes the trips I go on, hers. It’s like, no longer MY trip.” Again adding on to Parents wanting what’s best for their kids. This is an example of parents trying to live vicariously through their children. 

One middle school student shared her experience with us. Sitting at her usual spot at school practicing the cello. Something that is part of her daily routine now, she turned to us and thought out loud. “Is this really something I love?” “Is it my true passion.” Am I only doing this for her. She said referring to her mum. Parents tend to force children to do things they never got a chance to do. 4 out of every 5 children believe that their parents want them to do things they missed on on during their childhood. Now you might be thinking, well of course parents will want their children to try things they never got a chance to do because that's what they think is best for their children. But if this means changing a child’s passion. Then it is wrong. 

Yes of course parents will always want to do what's best for their child. They want to make sure that their children get to try out everything so that they can choose what they want to do and not feel like they missed out on anything. They will always want their child to have to best opportunity to live their life and not feel like they could have explored more. But is this really the best option?

Parents should try and sit down with your child sometimes, make sure they’re doing ok. Ask them if they feel like it’s just a little too much for them to handle. Let them do the things they really want to do and explore. Having this chat with their children a few times a month will help them. It will also help their child feel like their parents still care , and that they’re not just doing it for the sake of doing it. 

Maybe we don’t need to give our children all these opportunities, maybe it is just confusing them even more. Try and introduce them to a few things and then let them make that decisions of delving deep into it or just having it there for fun. After all their personality is only half determined by genetics.

Schools Not Only Focusing On Academics

Schools in the modern age are not only focusing on academics but building children up, teaching them how to cope with living by themselves in the real world. Students of 7th grade classes in UWCSA go to Sibu, Malaysia as their outbound or a week.

These students leaving Singapore and go to Sibu for a kayaking expedition. Teaching them how to live and adapt to any kind of environment, teaching them skills like putting up tents and making their own food out in the forest and kayaking through the most bloodcurdling waters. “This expedition taught me so much about adapting to living anywhere and learning how to survive with only the resources that are available to you. said Megha Jain a student that went on this trip last year, “This trip didn’t only teach me skills but a lot of things about myself, showing me my full potential.” Megha Jain added to her comment from earlier. This is a huge aspect of learning, especially here in UWCSEA.

This isn’t the only thing that Sibu taught these kids, in fact in later years students are taken to Chiang Mai, Thailand for 10 days. Where students learn both about the culture and adventure part of Chiang Mai as their trip is divided into two parts. These trips have a tendency of being the most awaited parts of the year. “I am so excited to go to Chiang Mai, this is supposed to be one of the most fun trips.” said Mallika Shankar while crazily moving her long limbs around a student who is soon to go to Chiang Mai. ‘

All of these expeditions also have another reason to them, bonding and forming strong communities within your mentor classes.UWCSEA’s other song belief is forming close, strong bonds that you can keep forever with the people around you. They believe in forming a strong community by going on these trips. “I have noticed that these trips form bonds that can never be bored otherwise.” said a student that is about to graduate. Most students in UWCSEA are thrilled to go on these trips as they get to go with their friends. By mixing our classes each year, UWC believes in being open-minded and adapting to different kinds of people.

As you can see these expeditions play a vital role on a students year, They teach student not only a few basic skills nut build stronger bonds and communities within the school. Isn’t this amazing watching schools adapt to the modern age of learning.