I walk in on the first day of school. My new school. I can feel all of these eyes on my back. Judging me. This is what determines my life in middle school.
School. This is where children spend at least 7-8 hours a day; where they learn everything. Not only about academic subjects but this is where they are taught social skills. School is where every child makes their first social interaction, their first friend, their first enemy. If schools play such a big part in a child’s life why are they not putting enough effort into teaching students how to make the right friends, choosing the right people to work with. This is what will benefit them in the long run. Knowing the people you work best with making your life a lot more successful than it would have been without them. UWCSEA has developed the PSE program, which focuses on providing a safe, secure educational environment for all of its students. But they are not able to focus this learning, making sure that students actually benefit from their program. UWCSEA is ineffectively using student's time by having programs like “Mentor Time” that don’t easily apply to adolescents. Instead, this time, should be used to put students into situations where they reveal their emotions and vulnerability to other students that they trust and spend long periods of time with a specific group of people. However in some circumstances, this can be a bit much for students as they are still trying to come out of their shell. Nevertheless, students need to grasp the fact that they will do a lot better in life when they are able to form instant connections.
Think back, who are the people that care for you the most? Why is it those specific people and not anyone else? This is because you have shown this specific person or group of people your vulnerable side. The side that isn’t always perfect. “Most of us think that when we make ourselves vulnerable we are putting ourselves in a susceptible, exposed or subservient position.” (Click, pg 32) Many also feel that they are letting others influence them. But when creating connections self-disclosure accelerates the ability to connect with people around us. When we show our vulnerable side to someone it helps other people trust because you are putting yourself “at an emotional, psychological or physical risk.”(Click, pg 32) The fact that the both of you are letting your guard down helps to lay a foundation for a fast, close personal connection. This is a really important part of making that instant connection, to be able to understand that specific person on a different level from the start.
Police officers like Greg Sancier a crisis intervention specialist, deal with people in distress. He was called in to help with the situation of a man breaking into a house in San Jose, California, and was holding the hostages at gunpoint. Sancier knew that if he failed today many people would lose their lives. He says “There’s an art to establishing a relationship.” whether it be “relating man to man or that we both like fishing.” (Click pg25) Any instant connection like this can be the basis of a deeper one. The man - Jones was a “three strike gang member” who had nothing more to lose. Sancier tried to connect with Jones by saying “Once I went through a tough situation myself - like when my mother died.” Jones responded saying Your mother died?”(Click pg 26) This is when Sancier knew that he had broken through Jones’s Barrier he was in, and that's all it took for Jones to give up. Being willing to show other people the person you really are, to drop your shield just for a moment is what can lead to forming instant connections.
Alternatively, this is easy to say but a lot harder to do. Especially for adolescents as showing people their vulnerable side is really tough. They are trying to figure out themselves at this time too, the best version of themselves, who they feel most comfortable with and with all the added pressure of school, Adolescents tend to close themselves off from other. So how are they going to open up about themselves when they are not fully sure of who they are, or how they feel either. Especially when this is also the time that they are learning to become independent. Studying the article “Secrets of the teenage brain” by Katie Forster. She claims that “teens are at an age of self-discovery.” They are exposed to so many different things and have to make up their mind about it. Why should we share this experience with someone as it is so dreading in the first place?
Skye is finding it especially hard to make friends at her new school. You might think that she should know by now how to make friends quickly and effectively, but the truth is that Skye does not have one person she can rely on.
Recollect - Which of your grade school classes did you feel most comfortable with? Which one did you feel most in place with? Now, why is it that we feel this was only with a specific group of people? Spending prolonged periods of time with a person or a specific group of people creates deep bonds. We don’t give it much thought but the people you sit next to at work, or on the bus to work. “But in fact, a couple of feet of space can make a world of difference.” (Click Pg 61) This circumstance is called “exponential attraction.” You are unknowingly spending extra time with these people, even if it is just the ten minutes you sit next to someone every day on your way to somewhere or the person you sit next to every meeting. That extra time together creates a mutual understanding between the both of you. Slowly growing through the years.
Four young sophomore basketball players - Corey , Taurean, Al and Joakim all share an apartment. Corey would later tell New York Times the roommates “clicked immediately.” They called themselves the “oh-fours” till 2004 when they started university (Click pg 55). When they played together they played amazingly. But as each of them branched off, different NBA teams chose them leading to their split. They never played the same again. “Talented as they were as a group, individually the oh-fours were just not superstar caliber.” (Click pg 59) People who instantly click rely on each other. When even one is missing it is still not the same, proving that they work a lot better in team situations.
Although this can also lead to believing that by putting students in these situations they can become heavily reliant on one another and won’t be able to work by themselves, always looking for that support that their friendship provides them with. But spending these prolonged hours with the wrong people can be hurtful as you are not getting anything out of it. For instance, if students move up through grades with the same classes students might be in a situation where they do not feel comfortable, where they are being bullied but are still forced to move up with this class. Teachers should notice when a student is not feeling comfortable and address their parents about this or do something about it. Whether it be talking to the student that is causing the trouble or making sure the student feels safe in their learning environment.
Now we have come this far, and you might be thinking what does it mean to make the right friends? Everyone needs friends in their life. Someone that will support you no matter what, someone who won’t judge you, someone who doesn't only talk but listens. Taking a look at the article “11 secrets to choosing the right friends” by Stacia Pierce a life coach and CEO of Ultimate Lifestyle Enterprise. We should look for people who we share the same values with. While I agree that diversity within friends is great but “when it comes to to general values and beliefs, it’s best to keep core friendships with like-minded people.” We tend to look for people who we look at as a role model. Someone who has aspects to them that we lack. We are drawn to them for this very reason, we see someone we want to be in them. This is fantastic as both of you will complement each other. Helping each other out in the places that are needed. Taken as a whole finding the right friends is a necessary task in order to be the best version of yourself.
Right now UWCSEA does have systems in place to help support their students. For instance, mentor time gives students an opportunity to spend time with a group of approximately 20 other students for more than two hours a week. This time is meant to be spent interacting with one another but instead is taken for granted and is spent by students doing their own thing or catching up on missed homework. UWCSEA’s aim it to build strong knit classes where everyone is supportive and understands one another. However, this is not working in most cases. Instead, all mentors should plan fun activities - team building activities that will force students to interact with one another. This also adds an extra factor of excitement to it as students will come into school excited to start the day off with a fun activity putting them in a light mood. Especially for adolescents like Skye who are in grade 8 and most of their time is spent worrying about when the next assignment is due. The activities planned should take into account the fact that they should lead students into sharing their emotions with one another, showing each other their vulnerable side, as this is what will help create those deep, meaningful bonds that help students become a lot more successful in life.
Most people right now would think that what is the point? Some people are successful and some people are not and that is just how it is. But is this really going to benefit us? As citizens of a country? Or even as the world. Yes, life is a lot easier for people who are able to form instant connections. Not only in your school and college life but as a lawyer, business official, sales person. All of these people have skills that help them form connections with people even if they don’t mean anything, they mean something for that moment, and this is what makes successful people. If people are taught how to do this everyone can be successful not just a few people out of the millions in our world today. This won’t only help them but benefit their whole community teaching them how to create these bonds. Spreading this knowledge can eventually change the world. Change the way people act, change it for the better. I believe that people should be taught this from the very beginning, ingraining it into their system, making it normal. If this can become a part of a school's curriculum they will produce a lot more successful students. Isn’t that what a school aim for, to create successful people. After Skye’s school implemented this system it was a lot easier for her to form connections with people even if she was moving around a lot and this led to her becoming an extremely successful business woman in the future. It;s with the greatest respect that I ask you to consider altering our PSE program adding in activities that teach students to show their vulnerable side and helping students spend long amounts hole. Just by putting a little extra thought into UWCSEA’s mentor time it can change someone's future or even everyone's future.
Bibliography
- Brafman, Ori, and Rom Brafman. Click: The Magic of Instant Connections. New York: Broadway, 2010. Print.
- Forster, Katie. "Secrets of the Teenage Brain." The Guardian. Guardian News and Media, 25 Jan. 2015. Web. 12 June 2016.
- "Personal and Social Education." Www.uwcsea.edu.sg. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 June 2016.
- Pierce, Stacia. "11 Secrets to Choosing the Right Friends." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 24 Oct. 2014. Web. 12 June 2016.
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