Parents, friends, peers, society. Everyone, everywhere is constantly processing thoughts, ideas and emotions. We are constantly picking up on social cues and consequences of not adapting to accommodate for them. Choosing to indulge other’s desires rather than what is best for yourself is often easier than going through the pain, social disgrace and disappointment of letting down your parents, family and community. “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett and “Everything I Never Told You” by Celeste Ng both deal with this issue. “The Help” is a story based in a highly segregated and restricting community where everyone has the same rigid principles and ideologies implanted into their brain. Newcomer Celia Foote finds adjusting to life difficult and struggles with being good enough. “Everything I Never Told You” is a story set in the 1970’s in Ohio centered around a mixed race family with mountains of social stigma. Marilyn appeased her mother’s expectations of becoming a housewife even though she always had dreams of becoming a doctor. After her failure, she pushes her dream onto her favourite child, Lydia. In both The Help and Everything I Never Told You the lesson that it can be hard to make your own decisions and have your own opinion when society and your parents are constantly telling you what to do, think and believe is revealed using Ng's and Stockett's use of 3rd person narrator and the symbol of eggs and Skeeter’s book respectively.
Living up to your parents and society’s expectations is a natural instinct. As teenagers especially, we thirst for a feeling of belonging and will usually do whatever is needed to be considered this way. From the start, Stockett portrays Celia to feel like she isn’t good enough for Jackson because she came from sugar ditch and, “even the white people look like they haven’t eaten in days.” She doesn’t come from much and it constantly bothers her now because of all the riches she is living in. If that wasn’t enough, Celia can’t have any kids, she has several unfortunate miscarriages because she wants to live up to the definition of a successful woman. To overcompensate for this, she hires a maid so that her husband will think that she “can do it on [her] own. [She] [wants] him to think [she’s]...worth it,” because if she can supposedly cook and clean it makes up for her child bearing shortcomings. On one side, Celia wants to be good enough for her community, whereas on the other side, Lydia is doing everything out of obligation to her mother. She doesn’t want to be a doctor at all but because she is so scared of her mom leaving the family again, she doesn’t have a choice. Infact even her mother, Marilyn realizes that she is vicariously living through her child and forcing her childhood dreams on her child. She figures this out precisely when she looks back on old times,“Five years old, standing on tiptoe to watch vinegar and baking soda foam in the sink,” Lydia kept on doing what her mother wanted because her mother simply didn’t know that when Lydia had, “[said], “Show me again, show me another”,” It had been purely for her mother’s satisfaction. Truth is, Marilyn had not known Lydia was unhappy and Lydia had believed that Marilyn wouldn’t care if she didn’t want to be a doctor. Lydia has simply done whatever her mother told her to, regardless if she wanted to or not or liked it or not. It didn’t matter to her mother if she, “didn't feel like smiling? Then what? Force [herself] to smile. Act as if [she] [was] already happy.” It never mattered to Lydia either, she calmly satisfied their wants and needs as if she was truly happy. She just had to become okay with the fact that, “You never got what you wanted; you just learned to get by without it.” And much like Marilyn who only realized the harsh effects of her actions, Celia realized that trying to please her husband and society wasn’t worth it. Celia was trying so hard with no reward. Both the characters want to prove something. Lydia wants to prove to herself that she doesn’t need to be a doctor for her mother’s love and Celia wants to prove to herself that a baby and becoming ‘adequate’ in society is all she needs to be happy. It’s unfortunate actually that they and so many teenagers base their worth and importance on how they satisfy desires from their parents or society. And because of this, many teenagers can’t make the decisions they want to because they feel that they are letting down or disappointing their parents and society. Disappointing parents or society seems like a much harsher punishment than simply being unhappy. Teenagers and adults alike are so caught up in fulfilling others expectations they can’t even think about what they actually want and if they are genuinely happy.
Pleasing other people and meeting their expectations can spin out of control quickly and understanding that happiness matters more than satisfying other’s superficial desires is very important. Ng used the symbol of eggs, both literally and figuratively to show how Marilyn is satisfying her mother’s expectations even if she doesn’t want it and then how she pushes it onto her daughter who doesn’t want it and Stockett used Skeeter writing her book as an act of rebellion and to show that she didn’t care what was expected from her, she was doing what she wanted. Marilyn was never comfortable with the idea of being a housewife and her whole world revolving around a man. This is revealed from her mother’s Betty Crocker Cookbook and how it tells her that,“The man you marry will know the way he likes his eggs.” This affected Marilyn greatly because it meant to her that all her use was to please and satisfy her husband’s wants and needs, but Marilyn didn’t want or believe this. She wanted to be more than a wife, more than children, more than her mother. But somewhere along the line, Marilyn got caught up in her mother’s mess and became exactly what was wanted and expected out of her, she became the expectation. And then pushed her literal egg, her daughter to complete her dream for her because she couldn’t even if, “It had not been science that Lydia had loved,” even if, “everything that [Marilyn] had wanted for Lydia. Lydia had never wanted but had embraced anyway,” even if Marilyn could never quite got over her failures. Much the opposite of Skeeter living in Jackson, Mississippi. Her passion also being for something that wasn’t expected or wanted from her community or her parents. And unlike Marilyn, Skeeter actually got her dream. Skeeter realizes that she’s been told her entire life what to think about everything and when she finally understood that, [she] actually had a choice what [she] could believe,” it became simpler, easier for her to do what she believed was right for herself even if it created social disgrace and shame. Writing a book with the help of coloured maids who were telling stories about white people was unheard of and unthought of because of it’s sheer perception as a sin. The difference is Skeeter had a choice to do what she wanted, Marilyn didn’t. After she became pregnant it became more difficult for her to follow through with her plans. Juggling fulfilling expectations and what you want can be extremely challenging at times because it is almost always impossible. And because of this fact trying to be ‘perfect’ or accomplishing everyone’s expectations is absolutely useless and a waste of time if you aren’t happy because in the end happiness matters the most.
Often times though, this unfulfillment of expectations can happen because of unhappiness. This unhappiness is not expressed which results in a lot of secrets and lack of communication. Stockett and Ng both use 3rd person omniscient narrator to reveal secrets about characters. Ng reveals how pressure and expectations from parents can lead to bad decisions and negative whereas Stockett uses 3rd person narrator in chapter 25, to reveal the struggles, misconceptions and eventual acceptance of failure complying with society’s expectations. The narrator in “Everything I Never Told You”, often reveals the theme through opinions from other characters. The way Marilyn still thought of her mom as something she, “will never end up like,” and the way Nath is, “amazed at the way [lydia] can lie without even a raised eyebrow to give her away,” Nath is surprised about how good Lydia is at lying to her parents, this shows the lack of communication in the family and also foreshadows that Lydia can lie about other things and might be hiding bigger, more important things from her family, such as the fact that she doesn’t actually want to be a doctor. This is fully revealed later in the story, when we are in the actual scene of Lydia’s supposed suicide. She is so overwhelmed and stressed about pleasing her parents that it was just all too much for her. Lydia was truly fearful for how her mom would react and instead lied and hid from the truth, “She will tell her mother: enough. If she fails physics, if she never becomes a doctor, it will be all right.” Lydia finally believes that if she can magically learn how to swim, she will tell her mother that. “From now on, she will do what she wants.” She will change everything. But, it’s not only if she can swim. She wants to be as brave the neglected child, Nath. “Lydia thinks that, If he can be brave, so sure of who he is and what he wants, perhaps she can, too.” What Lydia doesn’t realize though, is that her parents don’t expect anything in specific from Nath. Lydia is expected to be the doctor her mother never go to be just because she expects it. It never mattered what Lydia wanted. On the other hand, in the Help, the sheer severity and strictness of the expectations from the Jackson community leaves Celia helpless to be her own person. She tries so hard to fit into the community even, “[ordering] a book in the mail to learn [Bridge],” But learning alone wasn’t enough for her, She wanted to connect with the most prestigious members of her community, Hilly Holbrook and Elizabeth Leefolt and constantly “calling again to see about a bridge game.” It never mattered to Celia whether she actually enjoyed Bridge much in the same way it didn’t matter to Lydia if she wanted to be a doctor because both of them were satisfying expectations put on them. And these expectations can come from anywhere, like your parents to your general community and these all lead down to one root cause. If nothing more, humans inherently want to feel adequate, feel like we belong and like we are good enough. Often doing minor and important things are a main consequence from this need.
Even the smallest of actions can mislead people. Mislead people into believing you are happy and believing that you actually want whatever they are forcing you to do like career choice or Stockett and Ng both want us to learn that it can be hard to make your own decisions and have your own opinions when your parents and society are constantly telling you what to do, think and believe. As teenagers this idea is extremely relevant to us to understand that it’s going to be hard to make your own decisions and have your own opinion but it is vital to have them. We are all just trying to figure out who we are and what we want in life and it’s important to know that making other people happy isn’t always the same as being happy. Because in the end, if you aren’t happy, what’s the point? What’s the point of being praised for something you don’t care about? This simple idea of trying to do what you want, rather than what everyone else expects you to want is eloquently portrayed in Kathryn Stockett’s, “The Help” and Celeste Ng’s, “Everything I Never Told You”.
Living up to your parents and society’s expectations is a natural instinct. As teenagers especially, we thirst for a feeling of belonging and will usually do whatever is needed to be considered this way. From the start, Stockett portrays Celia to feel like she isn’t good enough for Jackson because she came from sugar ditch and, “even the white people look like they haven’t eaten in days.” She doesn’t come from much and it constantly bothers her now because of all the riches she is living in. If that wasn’t enough, Celia can’t have any kids, she has several unfortunate miscarriages because she wants to live up to the definition of a successful woman. To overcompensate for this, she hires a maid so that her husband will think that she “can do it on [her] own. [She] [wants] him to think [she’s]...worth it,” because if she can supposedly cook and clean it makes up for her child bearing shortcomings. On one side, Celia wants to be good enough for her community, whereas on the other side, Lydia is doing everything out of obligation to her mother. She doesn’t want to be a doctor at all but because she is so scared of her mom leaving the family again, she doesn’t have a choice. Infact even her mother, Marilyn realizes that she is vicariously living through her child and forcing her childhood dreams on her child. She figures this out precisely when she looks back on old times,“Five years old, standing on tiptoe to watch vinegar and baking soda foam in the sink,” Lydia kept on doing what her mother wanted because her mother simply didn’t know that when Lydia had, “[said], “Show me again, show me another”,” It had been purely for her mother’s satisfaction. Truth is, Marilyn had not known Lydia was unhappy and Lydia had believed that Marilyn wouldn’t care if she didn’t want to be a doctor. Lydia has simply done whatever her mother told her to, regardless if she wanted to or not or liked it or not. It didn’t matter to her mother if she, “didn't feel like smiling? Then what? Force [herself] to smile. Act as if [she] [was] already happy.” It never mattered to Lydia either, she calmly satisfied their wants and needs as if she was truly happy. She just had to become okay with the fact that, “You never got what you wanted; you just learned to get by without it.” And much like Marilyn who only realized the harsh effects of her actions, Celia realized that trying to please her husband and society wasn’t worth it. Celia was trying so hard with no reward. Both the characters want to prove something. Lydia wants to prove to herself that she doesn’t need to be a doctor for her mother’s love and Celia wants to prove to herself that a baby and becoming ‘adequate’ in society is all she needs to be happy. It’s unfortunate actually that they and so many teenagers base their worth and importance on how they satisfy desires from their parents or society. And because of this, many teenagers can’t make the decisions they want to because they feel that they are letting down or disappointing their parents and society. Disappointing parents or society seems like a much harsher punishment than simply being unhappy. Teenagers and adults alike are so caught up in fulfilling others expectations they can’t even think about what they actually want and if they are genuinely happy.
Pleasing other people and meeting their expectations can spin out of control quickly and understanding that happiness matters more than satisfying other’s superficial desires is very important. Ng used the symbol of eggs, both literally and figuratively to show how Marilyn is satisfying her mother’s expectations even if she doesn’t want it and then how she pushes it onto her daughter who doesn’t want it and Stockett used Skeeter writing her book as an act of rebellion and to show that she didn’t care what was expected from her, she was doing what she wanted. Marilyn was never comfortable with the idea of being a housewife and her whole world revolving around a man. This is revealed from her mother’s Betty Crocker Cookbook and how it tells her that,“The man you marry will know the way he likes his eggs.” This affected Marilyn greatly because it meant to her that all her use was to please and satisfy her husband’s wants and needs, but Marilyn didn’t want or believe this. She wanted to be more than a wife, more than children, more than her mother. But somewhere along the line, Marilyn got caught up in her mother’s mess and became exactly what was wanted and expected out of her, she became the expectation. And then pushed her literal egg, her daughter to complete her dream for her because she couldn’t even if, “It had not been science that Lydia had loved,” even if, “everything that [Marilyn] had wanted for Lydia. Lydia had never wanted but had embraced anyway,” even if Marilyn could never quite got over her failures. Much the opposite of Skeeter living in Jackson, Mississippi. Her passion also being for something that wasn’t expected or wanted from her community or her parents. And unlike Marilyn, Skeeter actually got her dream. Skeeter realizes that she’s been told her entire life what to think about everything and when she finally understood that, [she] actually had a choice what [she] could believe,” it became simpler, easier for her to do what she believed was right for herself even if it created social disgrace and shame. Writing a book with the help of coloured maids who were telling stories about white people was unheard of and unthought of because of it’s sheer perception as a sin. The difference is Skeeter had a choice to do what she wanted, Marilyn didn’t. After she became pregnant it became more difficult for her to follow through with her plans. Juggling fulfilling expectations and what you want can be extremely challenging at times because it is almost always impossible. And because of this fact trying to be ‘perfect’ or accomplishing everyone’s expectations is absolutely useless and a waste of time if you aren’t happy because in the end happiness matters the most.
Often times though, this unfulfillment of expectations can happen because of unhappiness. This unhappiness is not expressed which results in a lot of secrets and lack of communication. Stockett and Ng both use 3rd person omniscient narrator to reveal secrets about characters. Ng reveals how pressure and expectations from parents can lead to bad decisions and negative whereas Stockett uses 3rd person narrator in chapter 25, to reveal the struggles, misconceptions and eventual acceptance of failure complying with society’s expectations. The narrator in “Everything I Never Told You”, often reveals the theme through opinions from other characters. The way Marilyn still thought of her mom as something she, “will never end up like,” and the way Nath is, “amazed at the way [lydia] can lie without even a raised eyebrow to give her away,” Nath is surprised about how good Lydia is at lying to her parents, this shows the lack of communication in the family and also foreshadows that Lydia can lie about other things and might be hiding bigger, more important things from her family, such as the fact that she doesn’t actually want to be a doctor. This is fully revealed later in the story, when we are in the actual scene of Lydia’s supposed suicide. She is so overwhelmed and stressed about pleasing her parents that it was just all too much for her. Lydia was truly fearful for how her mom would react and instead lied and hid from the truth, “She will tell her mother: enough. If she fails physics, if she never becomes a doctor, it will be all right.” Lydia finally believes that if she can magically learn how to swim, she will tell her mother that. “From now on, she will do what she wants.” She will change everything. But, it’s not only if she can swim. She wants to be as brave the neglected child, Nath. “Lydia thinks that, If he can be brave, so sure of who he is and what he wants, perhaps she can, too.” What Lydia doesn’t realize though, is that her parents don’t expect anything in specific from Nath. Lydia is expected to be the doctor her mother never go to be just because she expects it. It never mattered what Lydia wanted. On the other hand, in the Help, the sheer severity and strictness of the expectations from the Jackson community leaves Celia helpless to be her own person. She tries so hard to fit into the community even, “[ordering] a book in the mail to learn [Bridge],” But learning alone wasn’t enough for her, She wanted to connect with the most prestigious members of her community, Hilly Holbrook and Elizabeth Leefolt and constantly “calling again to see about a bridge game.” It never mattered to Celia whether she actually enjoyed Bridge much in the same way it didn’t matter to Lydia if she wanted to be a doctor because both of them were satisfying expectations put on them. And these expectations can come from anywhere, like your parents to your general community and these all lead down to one root cause. If nothing more, humans inherently want to feel adequate, feel like we belong and like we are good enough. Often doing minor and important things are a main consequence from this need.
Even the smallest of actions can mislead people. Mislead people into believing you are happy and believing that you actually want whatever they are forcing you to do like career choice or Stockett and Ng both want us to learn that it can be hard to make your own decisions and have your own opinions when your parents and society are constantly telling you what to do, think and believe. As teenagers this idea is extremely relevant to us to understand that it’s going to be hard to make your own decisions and have your own opinion but it is vital to have them. We are all just trying to figure out who we are and what we want in life and it’s important to know that making other people happy isn’t always the same as being happy. Because in the end, if you aren’t happy, what’s the point? What’s the point of being praised for something you don’t care about? This simple idea of trying to do what you want, rather than what everyone else expects you to want is eloquently portrayed in Kathryn Stockett’s, “The Help” and Celeste Ng’s, “Everything I Never Told You”.
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